truthful tuesday

I’ve been in a long season of the Lord allowing me to be stripped down in so many areas. I’ve lost, been discouraged, depressed, embarrassed, sad, hopeless, faithless, overwhelmed.  I’ve been flooded by deep and dark waters that seem to pour their waves over and over on my head right when I feel like I've just barely come above the surface to catch my breath.  I’ve been high off of Jesus one moment to then feel so spun around that I struggle just to whisper a simple prayer.  Just like a child doesn’t always understand the boundaries that their parents set for them, my mind and heart and understanding struggles to figure out things in my life that seem too big for me to grasp. My faith tells me to trust in Jesus and that He has a plan in it all and that nothing is wasted… My mind struggles to believe it all the time though.  

“So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 
{2 Corinthians 4:18}

I do, however, see glimpses of His plan for goodness in all of this through my children. I know full well that I don’t deserve these littles and yet He picked me from the ashes and called me to be their Momma. “Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me…” I still feel lost and blind at times when I’m stuck in the fog and thickness of struggles BUT He reminds me continually that my life, my calling, is greater than just what is in front of me, but that it seeps through eternity because of these little faces before me that He has entrusted me with. 
When I see their love for Jesus and their little souls worshipping the Lord and in times of hardships that they know to run to the Lord in prayer for themselves and for each other, my heart wants to soar and praise the Creator back because I see His promise being carried out in the lives and hearts of them… That when it says in the Bible that when we are faithless, 
I'm seeing that played out in them.

So today, even though I’ve felt flooded with things that seem too much to carry, I’m turning up the worship music loud, holding fast to the promises in God’s Word, and fixing my eyes on the One who holds the heavens, trusting that, as a good Father, He has a plan and a purpose in it all.



  1. Very well written Abs. So very from the heart. I’ve had some similar feelings and experiences in the last 2 years. Asking “why”...or “how long do I endure”, and most often “where are you”? After much seeking and praying and yelling and frustration I realized I was walking around with my “eyes wide shut” I stopped looking for an answer, or for “the” answer and stopped everything I attempted to do in my human power and began to wait.....and wait....and wait some more and pray until I began to see GOD at work in so many ways both small and great in my daily life, yes my small meager life. I learned a saying from a movie which brought a flood of tears to my eyes and humility to my spirit but most important a strength to my spirit I hadn’t known for some time. Very simple words. Oh, like everyone else I searched the scriptures and looked for words that I had already known, ones that I’d read over and over before. You know, ones like: “seek and you shall find”... “I will remember your wonders of old”.....”you have made your might known”....” your footprints were unseen” (only because I hadn’t looked).
    I began to look for God in everyday life, in my daily routines where I never thought I needed HIM and as my eyes opened more and more I remembered the words I heard in the Movie I mentioned....the words....”I SEE YOU!” (or, I see “into you” ....or, I see into your purpose). I remembered that he had been there, and witnessed, when I was woven together in my mothers womb....and HE had never left my side even when I was “blind” to HIS presence.
    Life , strength and energy began to surge into my spirit. My conversations with HIM increased daily. A new and stronger meaning to the day took hold. Worldly things seemed petty. A new spiritual confidence was increasing even though my physical restrictions lingered. Even today when I wanted HIM to do something, was I asking for my benefit or was I asking for HIM to reveal himself so I could feed on HIS strength....again. HE is the provider.
    In reference to your blog comment, YES, HE is a good father too and I must be an obedient child, and when that happens.... “ I SEE YOU” is ever more evident in every moment. So go ahead and turn up the worship music and enjoy HIS presence. You’re an amazing girl Abs. I thank HIM for YOU.

    1. Thank you, Grandpa... All good stuff... I've heard those same words, "I see you" in the middle of the night feedings when I feel like I can't keep going.... The Lord whispers that to me and it helps me carry on. Life never seems to turn out the way we thought it would. I need Jesus everyday.


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