from homebody to healing to being brave...

I'm such a homebody/hermit. I love being home. I think that over the last 10 years, my love for home grew more and more because of how sick I was. It was my safe haven for years. Leaving the house gave me anxiety because I was so afraid of being sick in public or around others. It was very isolating as well. As much as I loved being home, it also put me on an island that I didn't want others coming to. I've lived in fears of being known in so many areas and I hated asking for help so I was "happy" to stay away from the world and just be sick all by myself because for some reason that felt safer. 
I'm in a new season of healing... physically, emotionally, spiritually. Yes, I was sick, but I think so much of our emotions and experiences and hurts and trauma can add greatly to our physical bodies and causes heaps of "sickness" and can manifest itself in ways that we try to cover and mask with medication, alcohol, food, chocolate (#wut) and so many other things, when what our bodies are desperately needing is to be healed from the inside out. Healing brings freedom in so many ways. 
I'm on a new chapter in my life of stepping out and being brave and healthy-crying that brings a real release of things held onto for too many years, and laughing harder than I've ever laughed and walking in the freedom of true forgiveness for others and from others and finding joy again... finding hope again... finding life is worth living again... Jesus has done impossible things in my life, which is kind of His specialty. 
Grace upon grace upon grace. I can still get anxious leaving the house because that's been my life for so long, BUT by God's great grace and kindness towards me, I'm learning to step forward anyways... to do things scared... to be bold... to walk freely in the grace and freedom that He has given to me... and to rejoice in the healing process that the Lord is doing in me and my family. He's brought amazing tools from His own creation into my life and a community of life-givers that speak truth over me when all I hear are lies. He's brought healing into relationships that I thought were too broken to put back together and He's loved the snot outta me every step.


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